[He had imagined many times that this conversation would be more fraught, or difficult at this point - and parts of it have been - but there's so much more promise, happiness, and fulfilment in it beyond that.
This kind, giving, and deeply compassionate man. There's a feeling of safety, and of being held, in the hands touching his, and in the way Kyle's looking at him now. It all amounts to a feeling that's immediately precious to him, and one that he'll hold in his mind and heart for the hours, days, and months to come.]
You won't lose a friend, [Charles promises, reaching out to lay his free hand atop the two grasping his other one, and gripping firmly.] We care too much about the same things [and each other] and have been through too much for that to be something I see happening-- or that I'll allow on my part. [It's an easy reassurance to make, and one he's determined to hold himself true to. His friendship with Kyle is just as important to him as the love he's grown to feel for the man, and to let the former go over disagreements or romantic mismatches over the ways either of them might choose to love or spend time with others would be a waste.]
[ So much of Kyle's time in this city has come with horrific things, but the good things had come easily in many ways. He'd not talked about many things in his relationships with others. Those involved had just let them happen, in most cases but one that was still weird and hazy to him, and then gone along with how life went until... well until they weren't there anymore.
Having this talk was something else, and it felt huge in the way it made his chest tighten and yet right in the way this felt between them. He wanted Charles to know the truth. The man he'd been. Who he'd become not just with being turned but this place as well. How much he'd grown to be the man sitting there next to Charles, holding his hand, and working out their relationship.
Their relationship. He loves how that sounds in his head, and he can't wait to see how it turns out in action. With them actively working on it beyond all this city is. ]
Good. Because I don't plan to let it either. You started as my friend, and now you're so much more, and I will fight this place and others over what we have.
[ He leans in to tenderly kiss Charles' cheek. ]
So then... tell me, Charles. If I were to ask you out on a date, officially, as the first step of our new relationship... [ Yep, no matter the others in his life, saying that word to Charles sends a shiver up his spine. ] What would be the perfect date for you? What do you miss the most? And do you ride a motorcycle?
[The gentle kiss (a warm thing, and offered so softly) to his cheek brings a smile to Charles' face. Selfishly, though, it's not quite enough. He allows Kyle to pull away, but then frees one of his hands to draw him back in with a hand on his face for another kiss: to the other man's lips this time, drawn out, and savouring.
He feels vaguely dazed when they finally part, but it's a brilliant combination of sensations, full of life, colour, and depth. Charles exhales slowly, and tries to claw back awareness of what the other man had asked before he'd given in to what he'd wanted at the moment.]
You... you own a motorcycle?
[Yeah, he probably could have done better on the uptake with that one.]
[ That kiss is something that Kyle could just sink into and forget the rest of the world. To have the taste of Charles on his lips. The comfort between them, shared in this moment, that is part of what makes Kyle feel so good with Charles. Everything feels so right.
His eyes still closed as Charles breaks the kiss, unwilling to bring himself out of that moment. Not yet.
At least until that commercial and he can't help but chuckle, smiling as his lashes flutter and he looks at Charles once more. ]
I do. A friend built it for me. I usually run places or just use the portals but I figured for a date, I should do it right. Pick you up at your door and all. Maybe a drive and look at the stars at the end of the night.
[It startles him sometimes, in the way it does right now as Kyle looks at him through his lashes, that he somehow managed not to notice how almost preternaturally attractive the other vampire is until moments like these started happening between them. It feels a bit foolish to be suddenly hit by the realization, but not in a way that feels anything close to bad.
Charles blinks for a moment longer, but then comes back to himself, and smiles slightly.]
A medical professional taboo, [Charles observes impressively, surprised and genuinely amused. Motorcycles are terribly dangerous and ER magnets, in his direct professional experience. He's ignored them his entire life on principle.] I've never done, truthfully. I'll be ignoring a personal principle for you in this, you know.
[His tone says he's willing to try. Kyle makes dipping his toes into whimsy attractive.]
[The smile on the vampire's face tugs a tick wider at that. Usually one to put himself in the role of teacher, guardian, or gentleman to others, he's not used to someone else promising they'll protect him, even in a light-hearted way like this. It's the kind of thing he dismisses, because he's managed on his own for so long, and knows very well his own physical strength and experience in the world.
What if he did try something different, and tried to allow himself to relinquish a little responsibility?
Fanciful and silly. But maybe worth seeing what comes of it, for once? At least trying it? And then if it's not something he's suited for the way he already assumes, he can discard the idea again.]
Is there anything I ought to know beforehand? [A slightly confused, and calculating pause.] You don't have to wear jeans to ride a motorcycle, do you? [Not that he would mind, exactly, he.... just doesn't own any.] Everyone on motorcycles always seems to be wearing jeans, [he explains, belatedly.]
[ Maybe it's a bit of luring. Maybe it's a bit of wanting to give Charles a special night, to take care of him, and be cared for by him, and let them truly have a full night of it. Together. ]
You don't have to wear jeans and I promise I'll be dressed up too. I have clips to keep your trousers safe. Promise.
[ Kyle smiles though as he leans in, kissing the corner of Charles' mouth. ]
Though, if you want, I can wear leathers. Not that I think you're looking for a bad boy image from me, of all people.
Otherwise you just have to not make sudden movements, and stay close to me.
[Clips? He didn't know motorcycles had clips, and there's another brief, considering, pause as he tries to imagine what that might look like as something to protect pants. Pinning them to the bike to keep them from touching parts with motor oil on them, maybe? Surely he doesn't seem so prissy as to be that attached to staying clean...?
The confusion doesn't last long, though, before Kyle kissing him pulls him out of his thoughts. He blinks, and then auburn eyebrows twitch up with something that's between surprised, and in a flash of a less guarded moment, being a little charmed by the other vampire offering again to protect him.]
No, [he admits with an amused sound, as Kyle reads him in one.] I'm afraid I haven't seen much of the appeal. Too much time spent in the East End being cornered by vampires in leather pants, I think. 'Bad boy' there always meant something very real.
[But the thought is a little tantalizing? That's... not as usual.]
[That does give Kyle pause for a moment. He considers that, the image in his head definitely one he's never had. How vampires might run in gangs and what that might do to a person. ]
It's kind of funny. Some of the most dangerous men I've known wore tailored suits. I'm still uncertain about the closet full of them I have.
[ A dictator from another planet. An original vampire. ]
Or military uniforms.
But we could both wear jeans. A little casual so we can be comfortable and whatever comes of the night?
[That's an interesting insight into Kyle's life back in Roswell. Government and military agents trying to tangle with aliens, he assumes? Something to do with Area 51-like activities? He really doesn't have much experience with this kind of extraterrestrial...stuff.
He puts a pin it in for now, as something to ask Kyle more about later. Maybe while on this latest date.]
Why not? [Why not? He's sure he could find something appropriate on short notice, in the end.] If we're already going to be on a motorcycle. [Jeans are so punk rock.]
[ Kyle can't help but to smile at that. Despite himself, he can't help but to give Charles a curious look, his gaze flicking down over him and back to that handsome face. ]
Perfect. I admit, I'm looking forward to seeing you in jeans.
[ It isn't as if they haven't been intimate, but there's something about Charles being willing to dress down for them going out together that he finds intriguing and fun. ]
And how about this weekend? I think I can clear it with work that we're both off.
[That, and the quick elevator gaze, earn a bit of a warm laugh from him.]
If it's at all as intriguing as that, then it seems like the right choice. [Mental note: buy jeans. That won't take long or involve having to make a lot of personal aesthetic choices, right?
And at that, Charles nods, and then takes the other man's face in his hands to kiss him again.]
There are definite advantages to knowing the administrator.
It is. I hadn't thought about it until now, but I don't think I've ever seen you in them. Though only if you're comfortable in them.
[ Not thinking about the fact that he might not even own them, seeing it more as a professional choice. Even as they tease about that with the time off and what follows.
Sliding a hand along Charles waist, just wanting to continue with those kisses as he chuckles softly. ]
I'll pick you up then about seven and I've got some ideas for the night.
Anything you want, [he says, surprising himself a little in the process with how easily, and willingly, the words flow from him. He knows himself well enough to know that he does have certain hard lines in the sand for what he will, or won't, do, but right now? The feeling of wanting to, when it means more time with this man, feels true.
He follows that feeling, and puts his arms around Kyle to further close the distance between them.] Really.
[It's safe to say that, when he trusts Kyle wouldn't put either of them in some kind of position they didn't truly want. Even if that was discovered after the fact.]
[ Kyle knows those can be very serious words. They are for him, who has faced how far some can go when you say anything but he also knows that Charles has nothing to fear from those words when they're said to Kyle.
Which is why it makes his chest feel tight and he can feel the prickling at the corner of his eyes as he shifts in with that touch, leaning in close as he kisses Charles tenderly. Yet there's a lot of emotions in that kiss. The talk may be about jeans, but they still mean a lot to him. ]
You know I feel the same, right? There's very little I think I'd want to deny you.
[ Kyle wants Charles to know it isn't blind trust, the kind he's dealt with in the past. No, it's about trust in the other, and faith in who they are. ]
[Charles presses himself into the other man's hold as he comes closer to kiss him, opening himself up to all the affection he's being offered. It's wonderful, really, and if he had a heartbeat, undoubtedly it would be telegraphing, properly, how alive being with this man makes him feel. The touch of teary emotionality in Kyle's face is endearing, too, and Charles takes it in without comment.
This is who Kyle is, after all. Unguarded in his emotions, and he truly appreciates that about this man -- or maybe it's just that he appreciates him, wholly.]
No? [Charles smiles again, and it's very likely the most entirely warm and loving, and wholly unclouded by any kind of pensiveness, anxiety, or moroseness, smile, that Kyle's ever seen from him in the city.] Then maybe you'll allow me to take a little advantage of your generosity now.
Do you want to go inside with me? [He means something very specific by this.]
[ Kyle's smile grew, wicked and playful as he takes in Charles' words, that beautiful of his smile. Damn but he loves Charles' smile so much but this, there's something about it that he finds breathtaking.
His entire chest just tightens, his heart feeling like it's fluttering as he takes in that smile. It's one of the best moments that Kyle is thankful for his type of vampire's eidetic memory, because being able to remember that smile feels like a gift. ]
You are welcome to take advantage of anything you want right now. [ He takes Charles' hand and lifts it, kissing the back of his knuckles. ]
[That feels like enough consent and interest for him to draw them ahead. He smiles at the kiss to his hand, and then turns his own in Kyle's, so he can lead them calmly back into the beach house. Once inside, if there's a door, he'll shut it quietly behind them both.
And then he turns around, follows the direction his heart is pushing him in right now, and presses himself to the other vampire. There's a little "bump" as the other man's back hits the door behind them lightly, and Charles wraps his hands around the hinges of Kyle's jaw to press their lips together in a passionate, but fundamentally unhurried and savouring, kiss.
None of what's happening is anything that can't be shrugged off, or slowed down if Charles is pressed for that-- he's being deliberately attentive to any physical signals he may feel himself getting from the other man.
But there is a patient kind of passion, and need, in how he kisses the other vampire and starts to smooth an appreciative touch over the length of Kyle's torso.]
[Kyle smiles softly as he follows Charles into the house. There's a desire starting to burn within him that he can't deny. The kind of vampire he is makes his emotions run high, which is not always a great thing for a man who is as open and loving as he is.
But when it's with someone he cares about like he does Charles, he doesn't have any desire to slow down. No desire to fight the urges that drive him, and the emotions that swell in his chest.
The moment his back "hits" the wall, his hands slide along the narrow line of Charles' hips as he arches up against the other man. Not pushing or grinding, just wanting to be near to him, to feel the press of Charles' body against the line of his own.
There's no hiding his desire though in that kiss, the heat of need that brings a small groan from him just at the way the other man tastes, the feel of his touch. ]
[Being met so readily in every way he's reaching for the other man is heady, and everything he might hope for while he's indulging the deepest part of the love, and passion he feels for the man under his hands.
As they kiss and touch one another, there is, too, a sudden and unexpected swell of -- something as Kyle presses against him. It feels like an echo of recognition within him as his lone hand dips, and then slides beneath the hem of Kyle's shirt to start mapping the chill, deliberately-sculpted muscles of the other man's torso. He hates so many aspects of his vampirism - what it's cost him, all the suffering it's brought him ever since he turned, the wicked creature it's made him by default - but is that the source of this feeling? What this is? It feels oddly some kind of innate, animal recognition in being like this with someone else in this way who is the same. There's a confusing feeling of correctness to it - as if they're drone bees crawling over one another in the singular hive, and broader family they belong to. Pieces sliding into the larger puzzle they create together.
It's repulsive and perplexing on a certain level, but also deeply and innately compelling all at once. Charles' hands halt for the briefest moment as he searches himself, automatically, for the beginnings of bloodlust -- that hated condition that always seems to be the source of something new, and frightening happening to him through his vampirism -- and discovers that he's... fine. No fangs. No claws. It's immediately a bizarrely similar situation to when he'd worried about his sexual experience with Caden turning into something violent and terrifying for them both. But there's just ...
nothing.
He's himself. Only-- more, as he touches the other vampire with passion, too. He can feel it. He doesn't know how he knows it, but he does.
Charles immediately works to master the feeling by pouring himself back into the other man again. With a last kiss, he reaches down to take both of Kyle's hands on his hips in his own, squeezing tightly. He then leads them to the nearby couch to settle them both down into it, his knees on either side of Kyle's hips.]
Do you feel that, too? [He honestly has no clue if the other man's specific kind of vampire might be able to, or not: recognize the apparent physical ... sympathy here that feels so clear to him. It would be helpful, make this less confusing if Kyle can, but Charles isn't holding his figurative breath. They aren't the same kind of vampire -- aren't from the same world.]
[ Kyle's energy have always run high. Even as a human in Roswell. Becoming a vampire had only made that more intense.
Yet there is something about being with some people that makes it an entirely different experience. One that he can't entirely explain, doesn't try to, just wants to luxuriate in those sensation for as long as he can.
And yet, of all of that, there is little that he's ever felt that feels like this. Like the way everything seems to go brighter and heavier in all the best ways Kyle can imagine. It's a sensation that Kyle can't put his finger on as everything feel more... more alive was the only way he could describe it, even if he knew that wasn't accurate in anyway.
So when Charles hesitates, Kyle can't help the sound he makes. Soft and plaintive, needful as his arms wrapped tighter around him to feel the press of the taller man's body against his own. Not willing to move away, aching for more of just those kisses, the way Charles' taste on his tongue, and that sensation he can't describe as he lets Charles guide him to the couch.
Controlling his fall back onto the cushions, arching up to press soft kisses where he can. On Charles' chest, against the side of his neck before his head lays back to look up at the other vampire. He blinks at him before slowly nodding. ]
You can feel it too? Really?
[ He hadn't counted on that. Hoped but hadn't been ready to assume. ]
Are you telling me you're magical too?
[ He smiles as he says it, nuzzling at the edge of Charles' jaw, not wanting to lose those tiny touches yet. Or ever. ]
[The other man wants him to keep going, and he wants that too, but he's still stumbling over the odd, and innate sensations of physical connection he's feeling. He could scent the other man's growing arousal before, but how he can feel what apparently are tendrils of it curling in his own body. As if the other man's emotions and sensations are spilling warmly over into him, a distant mirror for Kyle's self. He's deliberately never been a part of a circle of other vampires before, and he doesn't know if it's something that worsens the vampiric condition in those connected through one. This isn't that, surely - they made no direct attempt to connect through any kind of vampiric psychic abilities on either side - but is it similar in some sense? All of this is confusing, but perhaps it's... safe, when they aren't the same kind of vampire? He's immediately suspicious of that aspect, the same way he is with anything to do with his vampirism. The suspicion is necessary, when he can't trust his condition to allow him to make reasonable nor non-violent choices when it's out of his control.
They're not yet at the point in their relationship where he'd recognize this as being something he needs to try and communicate to the other man. But Kyle does it for him anyway, when the other man confirms the apparent connection forming between them. It's not what Charles is expecting at all, and he does stop completely now, watching the other man with evident surprise.
This feels a bit awkward when he's slowing them down, but still sitting over Kyle's lap and pressed against the other man's groin. But there's not much help for that aspect. Charles' hands smooth uncertainly down the other vampire's chest, stopping partway, the tips of his fingers lingering on Kyle's torso, as he's stuck between his own thoughts and the desire to continue going further with his-- now boyfriend.]
I don't know, [he admits. But he would hesitate to call something that feels more animal and instinctual to him, something romantic like 'magical'.
He'll try to lean on the other man's understanding now, when it feels far beyond what he has of this.]
Is this... a risk? [That's what's most important. If either of them are going to end up feeling triggered to a lack of control by having sex, all of this is out of the question-- especially in an open setting like Kyle's house. The thought is a painful one, but he doesn't want what he intends as an act of love, to turn into one of violence or degradation for either of them.] When you've felt it before? Has it ever brought you to bloodlust with another vampire?
[ While it's only been a little over five years since Kyle has been in this place, and four years since he was turned, it feels like a lifetime in so many ways. He knows it's from the constant madness they're surrounded with, the life or death situations, the drugs and the emotions and everything else that comes with it all. It has left him feeling like he's experienced so much more life than he has as a vampire.
And he knows that.
He doesn't know what other vampires. He's lived openly when most never have, but he hasn't experienced as much of their life as others have. Yet he's felt something akin to this. Just once in that time.
Physically he aches to go on, but there's nothing in the man he is that would push any further. Even as his hand lifts, cupping Charles' jaw a moment and then a delicate brush along his shoulder. Just steady himself in those sensations with those soft touches and meeting his gaze. ]
The closest I have felt to this was with my sire, but it wasn't this... clear? I don't know how to explain it, because it's not the same. Not to me.
[ Because to him all of this feels so different, so right in ways things in the past haven't. ]
I want to tell you there's no risk because of the men we are, and the vampires we both want to be. Not because I want you and crave you, which I admit I do, but because I know who we are.
[ He pauses a moment, wanting to be as honest as he can. ]
When I've let myself be claimed by bloodlust, it was a decision, Charles. All but once and that had nothing to do with love and desire but pain. That decision can not be taken from me. I won't say I wouldn't not want to share blood with you, but we haven't talked about if that's something you want, or would work with your vampirism and mine and...
[ He pauses, smiling sheepishly. ]
I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I trust myself. Even with you. Do you trust yourself? Because what I know is that it's about conscious choices but I know we're not the same in some things.
[Immediately, there's a confusing swell of emotions that tangle together all at once for the vampire: not wanting to potentially disappoint or hurt the other man by pulling away, not wanting to prove that he has the barriers he does have with many kinds of physical intimacy, the revulsion he feels reflexively at the idea of what he imagines 'sharing blood' to mean (a flash of a mental image of sharing someone else's blood, which he quickly dismisses as what Kyle must not mean), jealousy over the ease the other vampire seems to feel in discussing all of this, and concurrent guilt and shame over his own self-loathing and hesitation in comparison.
It's a lot. Helpfully, Kyle centres it all around a question that's easy to answer, and that he knows his answer for readily. He does not trust himself in his vampirism. He can't imagine how he could begin to, when bloodlust strips him of any sense of control over himself.
Charles fights the desire to pull himself completely away before at least explaining himself. Kyle deserves that much from him.]
I think it must be a different experience for us both. Tell me if I'm wrong in that. [He exhales out his regret, and raises a hand to brush longing fingers over the line of the other man's jaw. All of this started out so well. Shifting a bit, he moves to settle himself beside Kyle on the couch instead, his shoulder pressed into the other man's, as he brings a hand up to pull fingers stressfully through his auburn hair.]
I don't trust myself in what bloodlust makes me into. When I experience it, I want to hurt people. I get satisfaction from it. [He struggles to see that as anything but horrific: being reduced from a fully self-controlled and moral being, into little more than an animal.]
I'm aware that's different with another vampire, but what if I didn't come back before going as far as to do something you couldn't heal from easily? [Naturally, and as prone to preparing himself for the worst case scenario as he is, it's difficult to imagine much less than himself taking things to the extent of killing the other man in some way. It's happened to him before, but never with a vampire that he didn't actually need to kill.] We're healers. However we may fail in that from time to time, isn't something like wanting to hurt people antithetical to who we are-- who we try to be?
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mattersofscience) wrote2016-05-31 10:57 pm
Fibber overflow - Kyle
[He had imagined many times that this conversation would be more fraught, or difficult at this point - and parts of it have been - but there's so much more promise, happiness, and fulfilment in it beyond that.
This kind, giving, and deeply compassionate man. There's a feeling of safety, and of being held, in the hands touching his, and in the way Kyle's looking at him now. It all amounts to a feeling that's immediately precious to him, and one that he'll hold in his mind and heart for the hours, days, and months to come.]
You won't lose a friend, [Charles promises, reaching out to lay his free hand atop the two grasping his other one, and gripping firmly.] We care too much about the same things [and each other] and have been through too much for that to be something I see happening-- or that I'll allow on my part. [It's an easy reassurance to make, and one he's determined to hold himself true to. His friendship with Kyle is just as important to him as the love he's grown to feel for the man, and to let the former go over disagreements or romantic mismatches over the ways either of them might choose to love or spend time with others would be a waste.]
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Having this talk was something else, and it felt huge in the way it made his chest tighten and yet right in the way this felt between them. He wanted Charles to know the truth. The man he'd been. Who he'd become not just with being turned but this place as well. How much he'd grown to be the man sitting there next to Charles, holding his hand, and working out their relationship.
Their relationship. He loves how that sounds in his head, and he can't wait to see how it turns out in action. With them actively working on it beyond all this city is. ]
Good. Because I don't plan to let it either. You started as my friend, and now you're so much more, and I will fight this place and others over what we have.
[ He leans in to tenderly kiss Charles' cheek. ]
So then... tell me, Charles. If I were to ask you out on a date, officially, as the first step of our new relationship... [ Yep, no matter the others in his life, saying that word to Charles sends a shiver up his spine. ] What would be the perfect date for you? What do you miss the most? And do you ride a motorcycle?
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He feels vaguely dazed when they finally part, but it's a brilliant combination of sensations, full of life, colour, and depth. Charles exhales slowly, and tries to claw back awareness of what the other man had asked before he'd given in to what he'd wanted at the moment.]
You... you own a motorcycle?
[Yeah, he probably could have done better on the uptake with that one.]
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His eyes still closed as Charles breaks the kiss, unwilling to bring himself out of that moment. Not yet.
At least until that commercial and he can't help but chuckle, smiling as his lashes flutter and he looks at Charles once more. ]
I do. A friend built it for me. I usually run places or just use the portals but I figured for a date, I should do it right. Pick you up at your door and all. Maybe a drive and look at the stars at the end of the night.
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Charles blinks for a moment longer, but then comes back to himself, and smiles slightly.]
A medical professional taboo, [Charles observes impressively, surprised and genuinely amused. Motorcycles are terribly dangerous and ER magnets, in his direct professional experience. He's ignored them his entire life on principle.] I've never done, truthfully. I'll be ignoring a personal principle for you in this, you know.
[His tone says he's willing to try. Kyle makes dipping his toes into whimsy attractive.]
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I swear I never had one before I had healing abilities. Back home it's been a sturdy truck for a lot of years.
[ And a boring care that got him through residency before that. Here though, so many things are different.
He smiles at that warning, all brightness as he leans in a bit closer. ]
I promise I'll keep you safe, and you can hold on as tight as you want.
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What if he did try something different, and tried to allow himself to relinquish a little responsibility?
Fanciful and silly. But maybe worth seeing what comes of it, for once? At least trying it? And then if it's not something he's suited for the way he already assumes, he can discard the idea again.]
Is there anything I ought to know beforehand? [A slightly confused, and calculating pause.] You don't have to wear jeans to ride a motorcycle, do you? [Not that he would mind, exactly, he.... just doesn't own any.] Everyone on motorcycles always seems to be wearing jeans, [he explains, belatedly.]
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You don't have to wear jeans and I promise I'll be dressed up too. I have clips to keep your trousers safe. Promise.
[ Kyle smiles though as he leans in, kissing the corner of Charles' mouth. ]
Though, if you want, I can wear leathers. Not that I think you're looking for a bad boy image from me, of all people.
Otherwise you just have to not make sudden movements, and stay close to me.
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The confusion doesn't last long, though, before Kyle kissing him pulls him out of his thoughts. He blinks, and then auburn eyebrows twitch up with something that's between surprised, and in a flash of a less guarded moment, being a little charmed by the other vampire offering again to protect him.]
No, [he admits with an amused sound, as Kyle reads him in one.] I'm afraid I haven't seen much of the appeal. Too much time spent in the East End being cornered by vampires in leather pants, I think. 'Bad boy' there always meant something very real.
[But the thought is a little tantalizing? That's... not as usual.]
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It's kind of funny. Some of the most dangerous men I've known wore tailored suits. I'm still uncertain about the closet full of them I have.
[ A dictator from another planet. An original vampire. ]
Or military uniforms.
But we could both wear jeans. A little casual so we can be comfortable and whatever comes of the night?
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He puts a pin it in for now, as something to ask Kyle more about later. Maybe while on this latest date.]
Why not? [Why not? He's sure he could find something appropriate on short notice, in the end.] If we're already going to be on a motorcycle. [Jeans are so punk rock.]
When do you want to do this?
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Perfect. I admit, I'm looking forward to seeing you in jeans.
[ It isn't as if they haven't been intimate, but there's something about Charles being willing to dress down for them going out together that he finds intriguing and fun. ]
And how about this weekend? I think I can clear it with work that we're both off.
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If it's at all as intriguing as that, then it seems like the right choice. [Mental note: buy jeans. That won't take long or involve having to make a lot of personal aesthetic choices, right?
And at that, Charles nods, and then takes the other man's face in his hands to kiss him again.]
There are definite advantages to knowing the administrator.
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[ Not thinking about the fact that he might not even own them, seeing it more as a professional choice. Even as they tease about that with the time off and what follows.
Sliding a hand along Charles waist, just wanting to continue with those kisses as he chuckles softly. ]
I'll pick you up then about seven and I've got some ideas for the night.
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He follows that feeling, and puts his arms around Kyle to further close the distance between them.] Really.
[It's safe to say that, when he trusts Kyle wouldn't put either of them in some kind of position they didn't truly want. Even if that was discovered after the fact.]
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Which is why it makes his chest feel tight and he can feel the prickling at the corner of his eyes as he shifts in with that touch, leaning in close as he kisses Charles tenderly. Yet there's a lot of emotions in that kiss. The talk may be about jeans, but they still mean a lot to him. ]
You know I feel the same, right? There's very little I think I'd want to deny you.
[ Kyle wants Charles to know it isn't blind trust, the kind he's dealt with in the past. No, it's about trust in the other, and faith in who they are. ]
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This is who Kyle is, after all. Unguarded in his emotions, and he truly appreciates that about this man -- or maybe it's just that he appreciates him, wholly.]
No? [Charles smiles again, and it's very likely the most entirely warm and loving, and wholly unclouded by any kind of pensiveness, anxiety, or moroseness, smile, that Kyle's ever seen from him in the city.] Then maybe you'll allow me to take a little advantage of your generosity now.
Do you want to go inside with me? [He means something very specific by this.]
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His entire chest just tightens, his heart feeling like it's fluttering as he takes in that smile. It's one of the best moments that Kyle is thankful for his type of vampire's eidetic memory, because being able to remember that smile feels like a gift. ]
You are welcome to take advantage of anything you want right now. [ He takes Charles' hand and lifts it, kissing the back of his knuckles. ]
I'd love to.
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And then he turns around, follows the direction his heart is pushing him in right now, and presses himself to the other vampire. There's a little "bump" as the other man's back hits the door behind them lightly, and Charles wraps his hands around the hinges of Kyle's jaw to press their lips together in a passionate, but fundamentally unhurried and savouring, kiss.
None of what's happening is anything that can't be shrugged off, or slowed down if Charles is pressed for that-- he's being deliberately attentive to any physical signals he may feel himself getting from the other man.
But there is a patient kind of passion, and need, in how he kisses the other vampire and starts to smooth an appreciative touch over the length of Kyle's torso.]
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But when it's with someone he cares about like he does Charles, he doesn't have any desire to slow down. No desire to fight the urges that drive him, and the emotions that swell in his chest.
The moment his back "hits" the wall, his hands slide along the narrow line of Charles' hips as he arches up against the other man. Not pushing or grinding, just wanting to be near to him, to feel the press of Charles' body against the line of his own.
There's no hiding his desire though in that kiss, the heat of need that brings a small groan from him just at the way the other man tastes, the feel of his touch. ]
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As they kiss and touch one another, there is, too, a sudden and unexpected swell of -- something as Kyle presses against him. It feels like an echo of recognition within him as his lone hand dips, and then slides beneath the hem of Kyle's shirt to start mapping the chill, deliberately-sculpted muscles of the other man's torso. He hates so many aspects of his vampirism - what it's cost him, all the suffering it's brought him ever since he turned, the wicked creature it's made him by default - but is that the source of this feeling? What this is? It feels oddly some kind of innate, animal recognition in being like this with someone else in this way who is the same. There's a confusing feeling of correctness to it - as if they're drone bees crawling over one another in the singular hive, and broader family they belong to. Pieces sliding into the larger puzzle they create together.
It's repulsive and perplexing on a certain level, but also deeply and innately compelling all at once. Charles' hands halt for the briefest moment as he searches himself, automatically, for the beginnings of bloodlust -- that hated condition that always seems to be the source of something new, and frightening happening to him through his vampirism -- and discovers that he's... fine. No fangs. No claws. It's immediately a bizarrely similar situation to when he'd worried about his sexual experience with Caden turning into something violent and terrifying for them both. But there's just ...
nothing.
He's himself. Only-- more, as he touches the other vampire with passion, too. He can feel it. He doesn't know how he knows it, but he does.
Charles immediately works to master the feeling by pouring himself back into the other man again. With a last kiss, he reaches down to take both of Kyle's hands on his hips in his own, squeezing tightly. He then leads them to the nearby couch to settle them both down into it, his knees on either side of Kyle's hips.]
Do you feel that, too? [He honestly has no clue if the other man's specific kind of vampire might be able to, or not: recognize the apparent physical ... sympathy here that feels so clear to him. It would be helpful, make this less confusing if Kyle can, but Charles isn't holding his figurative breath. They aren't the same kind of vampire -- aren't from the same world.]
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Yet there is something about being with some people that makes it an entirely different experience. One that he can't entirely explain, doesn't try to, just wants to luxuriate in those sensation for as long as he can.
And yet, of all of that, there is little that he's ever felt that feels like this. Like the way everything seems to go brighter and heavier in all the best ways Kyle can imagine. It's a sensation that Kyle can't put his finger on as everything feel more... more alive was the only way he could describe it, even if he knew that wasn't accurate in anyway.
So when Charles hesitates, Kyle can't help the sound he makes. Soft and plaintive, needful as his arms wrapped tighter around him to feel the press of the taller man's body against his own. Not willing to move away, aching for more of just those kisses, the way Charles' taste on his tongue, and that sensation he can't describe as he lets Charles guide him to the couch.
Controlling his fall back onto the cushions, arching up to press soft kisses where he can. On Charles' chest, against the side of his neck before his head lays back to look up at the other vampire. He blinks at him before slowly nodding. ]
You can feel it too? Really?
[ He hadn't counted on that. Hoped but hadn't been ready to assume. ]
Are you telling me you're magical too?
[ He smiles as he says it, nuzzling at the edge of Charles' jaw, not wanting to lose those tiny touches yet. Or ever. ]
just rediscovered this notif! apologies
They're not yet at the point in their relationship where he'd recognize this as being something he needs to try and communicate to the other man. But Kyle does it for him anyway, when the other man confirms the apparent connection forming between them. It's not what Charles is expecting at all, and he does stop completely now, watching the other man with evident surprise.
This feels a bit awkward when he's slowing them down, but still sitting over Kyle's lap and pressed against the other man's groin. But there's not much help for that aspect. Charles' hands smooth uncertainly down the other vampire's chest, stopping partway, the tips of his fingers lingering on Kyle's torso, as he's stuck between his own thoughts and the desire to continue going further with his-- now boyfriend.]
I don't know, [he admits. But he would hesitate to call something that feels more animal and instinctual to him, something romantic like 'magical'.
He'll try to lean on the other man's understanding now, when it feels far beyond what he has of this.]
Is this... a risk? [That's what's most important. If either of them are going to end up feeling triggered to a lack of control by having sex, all of this is out of the question-- especially in an open setting like Kyle's house. The thought is a painful one, but he doesn't want what he intends as an act of love, to turn into one of violence or degradation for either of them.] When you've felt it before? Has it ever brought you to bloodlust with another vampire?
never a worry. i've had it happen to
And he knows that.
He doesn't know what other vampires. He's lived openly when most never have, but he hasn't experienced as much of their life as others have. Yet he's felt something akin to this. Just once in that time.
Physically he aches to go on, but there's nothing in the man he is that would push any further. Even as his hand lifts, cupping Charles' jaw a moment and then a delicate brush along his shoulder. Just steady himself in those sensations with those soft touches and meeting his gaze. ]
The closest I have felt to this was with my sire, but it wasn't this... clear? I don't know how to explain it, because it's not the same. Not to me.
[ Because to him all of this feels so different, so right in ways things in the past haven't. ]
I want to tell you there's no risk because of the men we are, and the vampires we both want to be. Not because I want you and crave you, which I admit I do, but because I know who we are.
[ He pauses a moment, wanting to be as honest as he can. ]
When I've let myself be claimed by bloodlust, it was a decision, Charles. All but once and that had nothing to do with love and desire but pain. That decision can not be taken from me. I won't say I wouldn't not want to share blood with you, but we haven't talked about if that's something you want, or would work with your vampirism and mine and...
[ He pauses, smiling sheepishly. ]
I'm rambling. I'm sorry. I trust myself. Even with you. Do you trust yourself? Because what I know is that it's about conscious choices but I know we're not the same in some things.
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It's a lot. Helpfully, Kyle centres it all around a question that's easy to answer, and that he knows his answer for readily. He does not trust himself in his vampirism. He can't imagine how he could begin to, when bloodlust strips him of any sense of control over himself.
Charles fights the desire to pull himself completely away before at least explaining himself. Kyle deserves that much from him.]
I think it must be a different experience for us both. Tell me if I'm wrong in that. [He exhales out his regret, and raises a hand to brush longing fingers over the line of the other man's jaw. All of this started out so well. Shifting a bit, he moves to settle himself beside Kyle on the couch instead, his shoulder pressed into the other man's, as he brings a hand up to pull fingers stressfully through his auburn hair.]
I don't trust myself in what bloodlust makes me into. When I experience it, I want to hurt people. I get satisfaction from it. [He struggles to see that as anything but horrific: being reduced from a fully self-controlled and moral being, into little more than an animal.]
I'm aware that's different with another vampire, but what if I didn't come back before going as far as to do something you couldn't heal from easily? [Naturally, and as prone to preparing himself for the worst case scenario as he is, it's difficult to imagine much less than himself taking things to the extent of killing the other man in some way. It's happened to him before, but never with a vampire that he didn't actually need to kill.] We're healers. However we may fail in that from time to time, isn't something like wanting to hurt people antithetical to who we are-- who we try to be?
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