All of those things are true, but they don't make your experiences irrelevant to mine, [Charles makes a point to insist. The one time he'd raked the other man over the coals for being young, had been shortsighted. Time and thought about their argument have eased him to seeing that. Him being inscrutable, intimidating, or difficult for a younger vampire to relate to, is a matter of him refusing to open up and share himself and his history.] We're both still vampires; We'll always have more in common between us than not.
[He nods, accepting the other man's hand and proximity, as Kyle gives him the freedom to refuse, and accepts his discomfort without judgment. It's a relief, as much as it comes with the smallest stingings of regret and insecurity: the man had seemed excited about the prospect of their intimacy having a vampiric quality.
But he knows he can't compromise on this. Won't. Not now. Not while he finds the idea as repulsive as he does. Charles nods, giving Kyle's hand a squeeze as he tries to decide where to go from here. The man's already giving so much of himself at this moment, in surrendering up the idea of something he might want, that he doesn't want to ask for more.]
Could you tell me how you feel about it? [That feels better than looking for reassurance in a more direct way.] Do you want... violence? [His face scrunches reflexively as the words leave his mouth. Yeah, that was probably a bad way to put that, but he isn't sure how else to.] Whether with me, or in general?
That has been something I have appreciated, beyond the man you are and how wonderful and amazing I think you are. You understand things about me that others don't. That I can't even explain to them. And...
[ He pauses then, considering that for a moment. ]
And even the things I don't think I can tell anyone else. I know I can tell you.
[ Which is why they have this talk at all. At least in his mind.
And is why Kyle shakes his head about violence as well. ]
No, not violence. I had things with my sire I still don't know if they were my desires or his, but they were horrific in so many senses of the word.
That said, to me biting is not the same as violence. I have those that willingly give me blood and it is, more often than not, an intimacy. So that's what it is for me. So I would gladly share with you, but not as part of violence or cruelty, but as intimacy. But I don't need that.
[ He rushes to add the rest. ]
Because I love you and I care about you and I want to share things that we want. Never just because one of us wants it.
[ He's had that before, both as a human and a vampire, and he's promised himself he deserves more. It's what others want him to realize as well, and he knows that. ]
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mattersofscience) wrote2016-05-31 10:57 pm
no subject
[He nods, accepting the other man's hand and proximity, as Kyle gives him the freedom to refuse, and accepts his discomfort without judgment. It's a relief, as much as it comes with the smallest stingings of regret and insecurity: the man had seemed excited about the prospect of their intimacy having a vampiric quality.
But he knows he can't compromise on this. Won't. Not now. Not while he finds the idea as repulsive as he does. Charles nods, giving Kyle's hand a squeeze as he tries to decide where to go from here. The man's already giving so much of himself at this moment, in surrendering up the idea of something he might want, that he doesn't want to ask for more.]
Could you tell me how you feel about it? [That feels better than looking for reassurance in a more direct way.] Do you want... violence? [His face scrunches reflexively as the words leave his mouth. Yeah, that was probably a bad way to put that, but he isn't sure how else to.] Whether with me, or in general?
no subject
[ He pauses then, considering that for a moment. ]
And even the things I don't think I can tell anyone else. I know I can tell you.
[ Which is why they have this talk at all. At least in his mind.
And is why Kyle shakes his head about violence as well. ]
No, not violence. I had things with my sire I still don't know if they were my desires or his, but they were horrific in so many senses of the word.
That said, to me biting is not the same as violence. I have those that willingly give me blood and it is, more often than not, an intimacy. So that's what it is for me. So I would gladly share with you, but not as part of violence or cruelty, but as intimacy. But I don't need that.
[ He rushes to add the rest. ]
Because I love you and I care about you and I want to share things that we want. Never just because one of us wants it.
[ He's had that before, both as a human and a vampire, and he's promised himself he deserves more. It's what others want him to realize as well, and he knows that. ]