[It's a lot to take in and think about, when given all at once. She missed the chance to learn how to do this before Duplicity by having closed herself off so completely from those around her. Even her family got less from her than they needed to help her with this. Only Aloïs knew differently and they... Their relationship was entirely different, one built on trust and love deeper than platonic without being romantic. They simply knew each other differently. Dreams, what she wouldn't give to ask for his blunt opinion and feedback on all this now.]
I know some of that already, where it comes to how relationships grow and change. Those aren't something I build on my own, and they never could be. I don't want them to be either, because friendships and partnerships require something more than one person directing another through all the hardships of life.
I still feel as if I should be trying things for myself before I seek help. How can one learn when they don't make the attempt and accept they'll make mistakes? I apologize often, and it's why I spoke of mitigating harms. It's all I can do as I stumble my way to better understanding.
If I do need help from someone, I ask for it. I'm not above admitting I don't know something.
[There's a short pause before another message arrives.] I only ask too late sometimes, because I'm certain I know how to make it through without the help or guidance.
[Purely out of an interest in seeing what she'll say, he asks:]
What's the harm, truly, in asking for help first? Beyond a hit to one's pride in one's self-sufficiency, perhaps?
[He's bad at this, too, so he knows how difficult it is to relinquish oneself to even an idea of helplessness.
At the same time, some problems can't be solved on one's own, regardless of the effort put in. The city's teaching him that at a rate that's almost overwhelming.]
There's no harm, but it's not a solution that comes readily to mind. I've always been the one in charge or the one required to have everything together for the sake of others. Starting the whole process with a question simply doesn't occur to me.
[And why would it? There's been no reason for her to do that when everything was different in Ragneux or when she was so certain of herself and her place here in Duplicity. Everything's simply different now compared to what it was when she first arrived.]
Could it not now? [He doubts he's the first to have made some version of this argument to her.
Getting one's way to trying something new, or thinking in new ways, means counteracting old habits deliberately, but all of that starts with knowing the possibility exists.]
[He's not saying anything she doesn't already know. Having it thrown at her for a text she didn't send makes it more uncomfortable, though.]
Some self-reliance is important, too. To set is aside completely is to make oneself helpless.
[She refuses to feel like that again. She'd rather struggle to ask for help than be forced to give up all control and self-sufficiency in the name of getting "better."]
I do understand you mean well with pushing for me to seek out the help I inevitably need before I hit the point of struggling, but as you say, it's difficult to do. All I can do at this point is keep the idea in mind and attempt to force it to happen. All else is out of my hands until it becomes habit.
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mattersofscience) wrote2016-05-31 10:57 pm
Mistlefoe overflow
[It's a lot to take in and think about, when given all at once. She missed the chance to learn how to do this before Duplicity by having closed herself off so completely from those around her. Even her family got less from her than they needed to help her with this. Only Aloïs knew differently and they... Their relationship was entirely different, one built on trust and love deeper than platonic without being romantic. They simply knew each other differently. Dreams, what she wouldn't give to ask for his blunt opinion and feedback on all this now.]
I know some of that already, where it comes to how relationships grow and change. Those aren't something I build on my own, and they never could be. I don't want them to be either, because friendships and partnerships require something more than one person directing another through all the hardships of life.
I still feel as if I should be trying things for myself before I seek help. How can one learn when they don't make the attempt and accept they'll make mistakes? I apologize often, and it's why I spoke of mitigating harms. It's all I can do as I stumble my way to better understanding.
If I do need help from someone, I ask for it. I'm not above admitting I don't know something.
[There's a short pause before another message arrives.] I only ask too late sometimes, because I'm certain I know how to make it through without the help or guidance.
no subject
What's the harm, truly, in asking for help first? Beyond a hit to one's pride in one's self-sufficiency, perhaps?
[He's bad at this, too, so he knows how difficult it is to relinquish oneself to even an idea of helplessness.
At the same time, some problems can't be solved on one's own, regardless of the effort put in. The city's teaching him that at a rate that's almost overwhelming.]
no subject
[And why would it? There's been no reason for her to do that when everything was different in Ragneux or when she was so certain of herself and her place here in Duplicity. Everything's simply different now compared to what it was when she first arrived.]
no subject
Getting one's way to trying something new, or thinking in new ways, means counteracting old habits deliberately, but all of that starts with knowing the possibility exists.]
no subject
[Not an easy thing after a lifetime of being certain has told her to follow her instincts and handle everything that comes after whenever it arrives.]
no subject
Not that it's as easy to do as it is to say. There are many reasons total self-reliance isn't as simple as that to break down and change.
no subject
Some self-reliance is important, too. To set is aside completely is to make oneself helpless.
[She refuses to feel like that again. She'd rather struggle to ask for help than be forced to give up all control and self-sufficiency in the name of getting "better."]
I do understand you mean well with pushing for me to seek out the help I inevitably need before I hit the point of struggling, but as you say, it's difficult to do. All I can do at this point is keep the idea in mind and attempt to force it to happen. All else is out of my hands until it becomes habit.
no subject
I agree; Keeping it in mind is where any self-improvement like this begins.
Whatever path you do end up walking, I wish you luck with it.
no subject
Be well, Charles. Let me know if you'd like to have a drink again sometime. I'm certain we'll speak again soon.