[He doesn't understand the man's cutting tone towards him, but the apparent lack of gratitude is easier to wrap his head around. This is an awkward and undesirable situation that both of them would rather not be happening. One that the man is telling him he's experienced before. But truly, neither former aspect feels like it matters right now. The only assumptions he can make that feel like they make any kind of sense to him, are that this man simply does not appreciate his presence, and does not like being helped-- no matter what kind of effort or approach he makes. Perhaps that most people make. And that's... fine.
Those aren't feelings he sees himself overcoming-- at this moment, anyway. But it's also beyond the point, when the important part of all of this, is seeing D'Artagnan safely home in whatever way that can work. Right now, that's accepting the man's gesture for him to start them on their way.
Nodding, Charles lingers for a moment, but then raises his device to start following the path through the city to Sunnyside. He gathers his billowing coat about him with one hand as he goes, starting to button it back together so it won't flap quite so dramatically in the wind.]
No, I don't. [But that's about him being particular and gentlemanly (prudish) in his approach to sex in general.] But I am interested in the details of this situation in general, if you're willing to tell me-- or how the storm went for you.
I feel we got off on a bad foot, [Charles adds as justification for his thoughts, as he continues to make their way through the snowy city.] and perhaps you know why, but I don't. I'm troubled by it.
[Because this man hasn't struck him yet as the type of person who ultimately doesn't deserve his care, or respect. He's disrespectful and rude, sometimes very disrespectful, as in the time he told him he'd kill him, but he also leapt into battle when he thought he might be in danger. There's something in that contradiction that makes him hold out hope.]
[D'Artagnan walks with little regard for the biting wind, more taking relief from it as he lets the cold run through his thin jacket and half unbuttoned shirt. He'd made sure to stand on the street side of the sidewalk, so he's not perceived to be seeking shelter from Charles's presence, though it's exactly what he'd called about in his moment of desperation. Charles's question has D'Artagnan glancing over at him with a perplexed expression at first, that shifts to contemplative. He's not exactly sure what the man's asking for, what he wants to know, and as such, his answers may be insufficient. Perhaps he should say something to that effect, as he had spoken with Charles before about his issues with misinterpretation...]
I failed the challenge, which I'd think was obvious. They kept me in there longer than the last time, because I resisted and that was, well, I can't do that without... hurting myself, and it brought more attention. I don't know what else they'd given me. I don't feel anything but aroused, and hot, and slightly disoriented.
[The next topic, the storm, seems wholly unrelated, but D'Artagnan speaks on that too, abruptly and without concern. Dismissive.]
I was at Stark Naked during the storm. There were no incidents.
[A slight pause before he attempts to meander through a response to the 'bad foot' supposition.]
We'd started out not terribly, I'd thought, with the letters. During the gang fight, I found you to be insufferable... and then you'd clearly no interest in my opinions on it later... and now, if tonight is what you'd truly been referencing I... I'm not... angry with you. Perhaps that's not the right word, angry, but it's generally the assumption when someone is... unsettled with me... I'm... I thought, not... I was... I panicked.
[Christ. There it is, though.]
Forgive me if I've not properly addressed your concerns. You've been unclear.
[This is a lot, and it's also a surprising response that Charles isn't expecting. He didn't imagine that an attempt to open up a conversation about feelings with D'Artagnan was destined to go well - it never does seem to go well for him with the young men in the city he knows. But this is... helpful. Including, what he finds to be, the unnecessary rudeness of the man calling him insufferable.
Is that a misunderstanding in the end, along the lines of the man casually telling him he'd kill him? A slap thrown at him purely out of spontaneous, frustrated feeling? It doesn't make it more acceptable if it is, but it would merely make this man impulsive, rather than callously and intentionally villainous.
He's glad to hear that the storm, at least, doesn't sound like it was too eventful for D'Artagnan. The way it's reported on feels curious - as if it's coming from a police officer of some kind, who's offering only the objective details of the situation. Charles notes his own impression, and files it thoughtfully away.]
No, it's quite fine. Thank you for explaining thoroughly. [Because that is what this feels like. The man making a considerable effort despite his own condition. He appreciates it.] If I can be clearer, I always want to try to do more to that effect. I'm always open to being asked. [Clarity is essential. Slowing slightly, Charles waits for D'Artagnan to catch the few steps he's behind him up to him, and then walks beside him so he can better see the man's face.]
I am sorry that I made it feel like I wasn't interested in your opinions. I generally am. [Even though he definitely wasn't at the time. He was too wrapped up in trying to suppress his own anger.] I was angry at the time [he won't lie about that] but I don't feel that way now, either. [A beat.] And even if I was, I don't see anger on anyone's part as a worthy reason not to try to work things out with someone again.
[There's clear panic in the man beside him, and it automatically trips the desire to try to comfort, to protect-- but after a moment, Charles decides... to try allowing it to happen without attempted intervention. All along, this man has shown him that he seems to exist in a state of near perpetual tumult. Is a reaction like this, that looks like distress in need of assistance, something for this man that isn't the dire thing it would be coming from someone who isn't this way?
That's the new theory, anyway. If giving some patience and listening may be more workable with D'Artagnan, Charles is willing to try holding back other more natural instincts on his part.]
[That's an odd apology, and D'Artagnan furrows his eyebrows, the twist to his mouth minutely sceptical and mostly judging.]
I've no quarrel with you rejecting my opinions. You need not apologise for it.
[Charles will reap the consequences for that on his own, for not listening to anything D'Artagnan may have to say on the gangs, and that is a satisfactory end for the slight of ignoring him. He sighs. A short irritable noise, regarding Charles's further comments on that.]
I was unaware we'd needed working anything out. You understand we're barely acquaintances, do you not?
[This is not a friendship in need of tending to, there's been little established as far as D'Artagnan is concerned.]
Yes, but that's a first step to something more. [And reasons to care feel enough for him to want to make effort here.]
I want to make an effort for that. I won't if you're uninterested, but that's my intention now. [Right now, he doesn't see any reason why he can't, or shouldn't, try.] It would be pleasant, but I don't think us understanding one another perfectly is required for it.
[Because at this point, he's not sure if that's possible. Especially as D'Artagnan seems to be taking his admission of not liking how things went between them in the Down, as some kind of accusation of wrongdoing.]
[D'Artagnan snorts loudly then, and crosses his arms at his ribs. The latter motion is not in a display of anger or upset, but coincides as if it may be, he's simply feeling more effects from the treatment given, and needing to physically keep hold of himself lest he... approach Charles in an unwanted fashion just as they're attempting some unnecessary, but strangely not unappreciated, reconciliation.]
I can't require that of anyone... I am, moderately, interested.
[His teeth press into his lower lip, and he looks away, watching the other side of the street.]
I'd thought you insightful, despite your peculiarities. Well, before you'd displayed them. You wished to help me once, and I...
[It's something difficult to speak on now, after his behaviour in the alley, and he feels deeply, penetratingly, exposed, flayed before this man through no intent of his own.]
I don't believe myself to be as unwell as you've claimed, but... I am... I've not found solutions to my... struggles, presently.
[The consenting ('moderately' is more than enough consent), but 'hmph' reaction he's getting earns a curious look. It's not immediately offensive, while he's resolving himself to try to be open-minded about what, coming from other people in the city he's met, would be a reaction of disgust or offence in need of addressing.
He's not affected by being told he's peculiar; Even though he doesn't understand the judgment, enough people have always reacted to him in that way that he knows it's true.]
I'm willing to talk about things like that. [But he thinks it's clear their approach to anything like it with this man hasn't gone well so far. Still, it's something D'Artagnan does seem to be telling him it's what he likes the idea of.] But I don't want to give an impression that I think a friendship has to be about something like that, always.
[Particularly after his Finder thrashed him so thoroughly for it and made him rethink his instincts, and then his efforts with Elle to try and be more casual. The latter of which were inspired by the man in front of him now. He's more okay, currently, with the idea of working towards a connection that's more about respect and general good will.
Or even (god forbid) fun. Somehow.]
We can also... 'chill'. [An expression he immediately regrets coming out of his mouth, because the man may not understand it.]
[He meets Charles's eyes again, eyebrows slightly knitted in confusion. Certainly, that's what had intrigued this man about him, D'Artagnan presumes. Charles didn't wish for fighting or violence, or a general discussion, but had been asking questions of his responses to things and trying to unearth more of it. He makes a noncommittal noise and shrugs. It matters not, in the end. 'Chill' though, receives another stare of puzzlement, and then D'Artagnan glances at the snow.]
... I am hot?
[That might be a strange response, he feels, and he should've simply asked what the word meant, but he's continually frustrated by his ignorance in such matters, and sometimes he wishes to pretend he understands, more difficult when context is not provided, as it hasn't been here.]
[This is curious, and also feels like some kind of attempt to be of use to him? To centre his own wants between them in some way? He's not sure there, but it feels odd.]
It does interest me, but I've realized that talking to people like that can make them feel like they need to be 'fixed'. I don't think that's a good state of mind to put people in. As I said, I am willing, but I want to aim to be better in it if that's what you'd like to do. [Supportive, rather than pushy. He does think shortcomings and limitations are worth pushing on, especially if they're causing problems for people, but he now thinks there have to be better ways to do it than what he has been doing: taking people apart before they've even consented to it or knew it was about to happen. Charles shakes his head at his own regrets there, and then glances down at their shifting icon on the map on his device to gauge their route. Not too far away.
And, as he thought, he's confused D'Artagnan with informal wording he's not a big fan of using, either.]
'Chill' is a word [...young, usually informal...frequently irreverent...] people in the city use, that means spending time together without needing to accomplish anything in particular. Fun, more or less. [Which is the un-fun way to explain that.]
[D'Artagnan scoffs quietly at that statement. It's a delicate thing to approach, he does understand that much, and he's been viciously resentful in the past over accusations there is something broken within him, even if he acknowledges that privately. Charles may be willing, but for D'Artagnan this is where that conversation ends. He'll not pursue it, will not claim it as something he'd like to do. He looks down at the device as Charles does, but he's long since recognised the streets and he knows where they are. The townhouse will be in sight after another right turn and half way down that block.]
Why need there be a word for that separation...
[That's mostly musing to himself, but there was less clear delineation between such things for him in his past. He can enjoy himself in the drive for accomplishment as much as he can in spending a night in a tavern.]
[His feelings aired and his offer on the table, Charles is fine with leaving things there, too. He's not going to push anything while he's not at his best, and this man just came through the SLUT centre, too.]
I don't know, honestly. [A lot of slang feels to him like it more confuses things than anything else.
As they approach the garage, Charles turns off his device and tucks it away in a pocket of his coat. He reaches a hand up to correct what feels like his very wind-tousled hair in preparation to start heading back to the hospital again.]
If something like this comes up again sometime, please know that I welcome you contacting me directly.
[As D'Artagnan opens the garage, slowly, to avoid a squeaking, and just enough he might duck under and vanish into the darkness beyond, he regards Charles and his offer. His immediate response, stopped by the literal biting of his tongue, is one of unwarranted derision for reasons unknown, in the vein of a proclamation of needing no further assistance for the same predicament, but it is his second time already. Instead he nods with slight deference.]
You've made less of a fuss than McCoy would have.
[It's as good as Charles will get to a thank you and assurance he might be considered for a call. D'Artagnan hopes it's enough, and such parting words haven't undone progress made in civility tonight. He slinks into the garage without waiting for acknowledgement.]
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mattersofscience) wrote2016-05-31 10:57 pm
no subject
Those aren't feelings he sees himself overcoming-- at this moment, anyway. But it's also beyond the point, when the important part of all of this, is seeing D'Artagnan safely home in whatever way that can work. Right now, that's accepting the man's gesture for him to start them on their way.
Nodding, Charles lingers for a moment, but then raises his device to start following the path through the city to Sunnyside. He gathers his billowing coat about him with one hand as he goes, starting to button it back together so it won't flap quite so dramatically in the wind.]
No, I don't. [But that's about him being particular and gentlemanly (prudish) in his approach to sex in general.] But I am interested in the details of this situation in general, if you're willing to tell me-- or how the storm went for you.
I feel we got off on a bad foot, [Charles adds as justification for his thoughts, as he continues to make their way through the snowy city.] and perhaps you know why, but I don't. I'm troubled by it.
[Because this man hasn't struck him yet as the type of person who ultimately doesn't deserve his care, or respect. He's disrespectful and rude, sometimes very disrespectful, as in the time he told him he'd kill him, but he also leapt into battle when he thought he might be in danger. There's something in that contradiction that makes him hold out hope.]
no subject
I failed the challenge, which I'd think was obvious. They kept me in there longer than the last time, because I resisted and that was, well, I can't do that without... hurting myself, and it brought more attention. I don't know what else they'd given me. I don't feel anything but aroused, and hot, and slightly disoriented.
[The next topic, the storm, seems wholly unrelated, but D'Artagnan speaks on that too, abruptly and without concern. Dismissive.]
I was at Stark Naked during the storm. There were no incidents.
[A slight pause before he attempts to meander through a response to the 'bad foot' supposition.]
We'd started out not terribly, I'd thought, with the letters. During the gang fight, I found you to be insufferable... and then you'd clearly no interest in my opinions on it later... and now, if tonight is what you'd truly been referencing I... I'm not... angry with you. Perhaps that's not the right word, angry, but it's generally the assumption when someone is... unsettled with me... I'm... I thought, not... I was... I panicked.
[Christ. There it is, though.]
Forgive me if I've not properly addressed your concerns. You've been unclear.
no subject
Is that a misunderstanding in the end, along the lines of the man casually telling him he'd kill him? A slap thrown at him purely out of spontaneous, frustrated feeling? It doesn't make it more acceptable if it is, but it would merely make this man impulsive, rather than callously and intentionally villainous.
He's glad to hear that the storm, at least, doesn't sound like it was too eventful for D'Artagnan. The way it's reported on feels curious - as if it's coming from a police officer of some kind, who's offering only the objective details of the situation. Charles notes his own impression, and files it thoughtfully away.]
No, it's quite fine. Thank you for explaining thoroughly. [Because that is what this feels like. The man making a considerable effort despite his own condition. He appreciates it.] If I can be clearer, I always want to try to do more to that effect. I'm always open to being asked. [Clarity is essential. Slowing slightly, Charles waits for D'Artagnan to catch the few steps he's behind him up to him, and then walks beside him so he can better see the man's face.]
I am sorry that I made it feel like I wasn't interested in your opinions. I generally am. [Even though he definitely wasn't at the time. He was too wrapped up in trying to suppress his own anger.] I was angry at the time [he won't lie about that] but I don't feel that way now, either. [A beat.] And even if I was, I don't see anger on anyone's part as a worthy reason not to try to work things out with someone again.
[There's clear panic in the man beside him, and it automatically trips the desire to try to comfort, to protect-- but after a moment, Charles decides... to try allowing it to happen without attempted intervention. All along, this man has shown him that he seems to exist in a state of near perpetual tumult. Is a reaction like this, that looks like distress in need of assistance, something for this man that isn't the dire thing it would be coming from someone who isn't this way?
That's the new theory, anyway. If giving some patience and listening may be more workable with D'Artagnan, Charles is willing to try holding back other more natural instincts on his part.]
no subject
I've no quarrel with you rejecting my opinions. You need not apologise for it.
[Charles will reap the consequences for that on his own, for not listening to anything D'Artagnan may have to say on the gangs, and that is a satisfactory end for the slight of ignoring him. He sighs. A short irritable noise, regarding Charles's further comments on that.]
I was unaware we'd needed working anything out. You understand we're barely acquaintances, do you not?
[This is not a friendship in need of tending to, there's been little established as far as D'Artagnan is concerned.]
no subject
Yes, but that's a first step to something more. [And reasons to care feel enough for him to want to make effort here.]
I want to make an effort for that. I won't if you're uninterested, but that's my intention now. [Right now, he doesn't see any reason why he can't, or shouldn't, try.] It would be pleasant, but I don't think us understanding one another perfectly is required for it.
[Because at this point, he's not sure if that's possible. Especially as D'Artagnan seems to be taking his admission of not liking how things went between them in the Down, as some kind of accusation of wrongdoing.]
no subject
I can't require that of anyone... I am, moderately, interested.
[His teeth press into his lower lip, and he looks away, watching the other side of the street.]
I'd thought you insightful, despite your peculiarities. Well, before you'd displayed them. You wished to help me once, and I...
[It's something difficult to speak on now, after his behaviour in the alley, and he feels deeply, penetratingly, exposed, flayed before this man through no intent of his own.]
I don't believe myself to be as unwell as you've claimed, but... I am... I've not found solutions to my... struggles, presently.
no subject
He's not affected by being told he's peculiar; Even though he doesn't understand the judgment, enough people have always reacted to him in that way that he knows it's true.]
I'm willing to talk about things like that. [But he thinks it's clear their approach to anything like it with this man hasn't gone well so far. Still, it's something D'Artagnan does seem to be telling him it's what he likes the idea of.] But I don't want to give an impression that I think a friendship has to be about something like that, always.
[Particularly after his Finder thrashed him so thoroughly for it and made him rethink his instincts, and then his efforts with Elle to try and be more casual. The latter of which were inspired by the man in front of him now. He's more okay, currently, with the idea of working towards a connection that's more about respect and general good will.
Or even (god forbid) fun. Somehow.]
We can also... 'chill'. [An expression he immediately regrets coming out of his mouth, because the man may not understand it.]
no subject
[He meets Charles's eyes again, eyebrows slightly knitted in confusion. Certainly, that's what had intrigued this man about him, D'Artagnan presumes. Charles didn't wish for fighting or violence, or a general discussion, but had been asking questions of his responses to things and trying to unearth more of it. He makes a noncommittal noise and shrugs. It matters not, in the end. 'Chill' though, receives another stare of puzzlement, and then D'Artagnan glances at the snow.]
... I am hot?
[That might be a strange response, he feels, and he should've simply asked what the word meant, but he's continually frustrated by his ignorance in such matters, and sometimes he wishes to pretend he understands, more difficult when context is not provided, as it hasn't been here.]
no subject
It does interest me, but I've realized that talking to people like that can make them feel like they need to be 'fixed'. I don't think that's a good state of mind to put people in. As I said, I am willing, but I want to aim to be better in it if that's what you'd like to do. [Supportive, rather than pushy. He does think shortcomings and limitations are worth pushing on, especially if they're causing problems for people, but he now thinks there have to be better ways to do it than what he has been doing: taking people apart before they've even consented to it or knew it was about to happen. Charles shakes his head at his own regrets there, and then glances down at their shifting icon on the map on his device to gauge their route. Not too far away.
And, as he thought, he's confused D'Artagnan with informal wording he's not a big fan of using, either.]
'Chill' is a word [...young, usually informal...frequently irreverent...] people in the city use, that means spending time together without needing to accomplish anything in particular. Fun, more or less. [Which is the un-fun way to explain that.]
no subject
Why need there be a word for that separation...
[That's mostly musing to himself, but there was less clear delineation between such things for him in his past. He can enjoy himself in the drive for accomplishment as much as he can in spending a night in a tavern.]
no subject
I don't know, honestly. [A lot of slang feels to him like it more confuses things than anything else.
As they approach the garage, Charles turns off his device and tucks it away in a pocket of his coat. He reaches a hand up to correct what feels like his very wind-tousled hair in preparation to start heading back to the hospital again.]
If something like this comes up again sometime, please know that I welcome you contacting me directly.
no subject
You've made less of a fuss than McCoy would have.
[It's as good as Charles will get to a thank you and assurance he might be considered for a call. D'Artagnan hopes it's enough, and such parting words haven't undone progress made in civility tonight. He slinks into the garage without waiting for acknowledgement.]