[Immediately, there's a confusing swell of emotions that tangle together all at once for the vampire: not wanting to potentially disappoint or hurt the other man by pulling away, not wanting to prove that he has the barriers he does have with many kinds of physical intimacy, the revulsion he feels reflexively at the idea of what he imagines 'sharing blood' to mean (a flash of a mental image of sharing someone else's blood, which he quickly dismisses as what Kyle must not mean), jealousy over the ease the other vampire seems to feel in discussing all of this, and concurrent guilt and shame over his own self-loathing and hesitation in comparison.
It's a lot. Helpfully, Kyle centres it all around a question that's easy to answer, and that he knows his answer for readily. He does not trust himself in his vampirism. He can't imagine how he could begin to, when bloodlust strips him of any sense of control over himself.
Charles fights the desire to pull himself completely away before at least explaining himself. Kyle deserves that much from him.]
I think it must be a different experience for us both. Tell me if I'm wrong in that. [He exhales out his regret, and raises a hand to brush longing fingers over the line of the other man's jaw. All of this started out so well. Shifting a bit, he moves to settle himself beside Kyle on the couch instead, his shoulder pressed into the other man's, as he brings a hand up to pull fingers stressfully through his auburn hair.]
I don't trust myself in what bloodlust makes me into. When I experience it, I want to hurt people. I get satisfaction from it. [He struggles to see that as anything but horrific: being reduced from a fully self-controlled and moral being, into little more than an animal.]
I'm aware that's different with another vampire, but what if I didn't come back before going as far as to do something you couldn't heal from easily? [Naturally, and as prone to preparing himself for the worst case scenario as he is, it's difficult to imagine much less than himself taking things to the extent of killing the other man in some way. It's happened to him before, but never with a vampire that he didn't actually need to kill.] We're healers. However we may fail in that from time to time, isn't something like wanting to hurt people antithetical to who we are-- who we try to be?
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It's a lot. Helpfully, Kyle centres it all around a question that's easy to answer, and that he knows his answer for readily. He does not trust himself in his vampirism. He can't imagine how he could begin to, when bloodlust strips him of any sense of control over himself.
Charles fights the desire to pull himself completely away before at least explaining himself. Kyle deserves that much from him.]
I think it must be a different experience for us both. Tell me if I'm wrong in that. [He exhales out his regret, and raises a hand to brush longing fingers over the line of the other man's jaw. All of this started out so well. Shifting a bit, he moves to settle himself beside Kyle on the couch instead, his shoulder pressed into the other man's, as he brings a hand up to pull fingers stressfully through his auburn hair.]
I don't trust myself in what bloodlust makes me into. When I experience it, I want to hurt people. I get satisfaction from it. [He struggles to see that as anything but horrific: being reduced from a fully self-controlled and moral being, into little more than an animal.]
I'm aware that's different with another vampire, but what if I didn't come back before going as far as to do something you couldn't heal from easily? [Naturally, and as prone to preparing himself for the worst case scenario as he is, it's difficult to imagine much less than himself taking things to the extent of killing the other man in some way. It's happened to him before, but never with a vampire that he didn't actually need to kill.] We're healers. However we may fail in that from time to time, isn't something like wanting to hurt people antithetical to who we are-- who we try to be?